He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
