i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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