I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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