tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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