she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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