I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
