I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
