why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
