cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
