Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to calm my uterus...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
