She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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