She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
