i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
