He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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