I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
