Tell her she can't have a vagina
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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