I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
