Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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