How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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