i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
