so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just threw up on my dentist
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
