ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
