So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
