the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
