Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone came in the potted fern
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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