It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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