I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
