That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
