brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
