Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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