He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
