My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
how does that bad decision feel?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
