I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
