You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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