dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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