it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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