You smell like stripper and shame
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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