I cockslap morals
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
