life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
