do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
