I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
