If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
