I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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