6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
