She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
