I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
