Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
