he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
