this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
