My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so let's talk penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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