Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
