you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
