I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
