would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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