I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
