so explain again why im purple
no
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
