now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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