He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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