Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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