she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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