OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
