Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
