I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
