I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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