My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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