Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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