so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
