You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
