I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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