I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
