D3 body, D1 cock
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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