we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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