just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
