i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
