Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
