I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
