There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
