Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So squirting runs in the family.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
