last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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