so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
