He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
