i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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