ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
