lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I believe in your delicious
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
